Im a WP and I betrayed my wife. We've been together almost 10 years and married for 6.
It started not long after we got married, when covid hit and we moved in with her parents for awhile while we saved for our house. She started spending all her time with her family and I felt alone. Which is my why, I think? I realize now its a stupid reason but there isnt any good reasons. Ive always been a loner with a few good friends of mine passing away at a young age, loneliness is something ive always struggled with.
I tried to speak to her about it but she didn't seem to understand so instead of trying to explain what was going on with me, I started looking for validation from others.
I started talking to a ex that's was friends with me and my wife. I did lie and sneak around talking to her and was having an emotional affair but it was never sexually until I talked my wife into having a threesome (something im not proud of). We then tried a thrupple with this person (something else im not proud of), that failed, my wife felt left out. So when that happened I started drinking heavily and bounced back and forth between my wife and my AP for awhile. I always told my AP I'd never leave my wife. Now I realize the moment I started engaging in any sort of affair I left my wife.
At one point my wife begged me to come home and stop, I told her she should leave me because I didn't think she'd ever come to a place where she could move past it. That moment haunts me.
After probably 6 months i eventually went home, and tried to correct things with my wife, she never wanted to talk about it. She told me to go NC with AP. I failed at that. It wasn't never sexually or emotional again, but we did still communicate occasionally (months in between). We had a dog together so when that dog passed she came and let me say goodbye, i paid for the dog to be cremated, and a week later she brought me some ashes. We barely spoke about anything other than the dog. I havent seen her since. I realized I shouldn't be speaking to this person anymore so I got rid of everything i had from this person and deleted their contact info out of my phone recently. Even though we haven't spoken in probably over a year.
I also sexted with some guys online, my wife caught me doing that, I justified it because we wasn't having sex and I knew if I sexted with guys id never get a emotional attachment with them because I'm a gay women. I know it was wrong and I'm not proud of it.
Fast-forward to now, My wife told me on the 1st of April. She hasn't been able to get over it. She needs space and time to find herself again. She said shes love me and us but she isnt in love with me or in love with the us we became And maybe eventually that we can fix whats broken. I stupidly have been fighting to save my marriage. Fighting for something that ended the moment I had an affair.
I also should mention i got black out drunk a week ago and tried to fight my wife's sister. Furthering the wedge in between me and my wife. Needless to say I quit drinking and have been focusing on sobriety.
I have purchased all sorta of self help books, as well as a book I seen recommended here "Rising strong".
I'll admit that in the years after the affair I never tried because I felt like my wife wasn't trying to get over it. I thought eventually we'd come to a point to heal and move past it together. I now realized I just sort of rug swept it and didn't do any real work on myself. I also realize how incredibly stupid that is now.
While R is all I want, im trying to learn that R right now isn't possible and I'm trying my hardest to come to terms with it being out of my control.
My wife has started drinking heavily and while I know that isn't gonna help her heal, I know I'm not allowed to tell her how to fix what I broke.
While waiting for approval to post, I've read alot of the post that are here and am seriously trying to take some of this advice and apply it to my situation.
Im still deeply rooted in shame and guilt. It's hard to even look at myself in the mirror. Im trying to remember that I'm not a bad person i just did something terrible. Im not sure what I'm here looking for. Just people who are going through what I'm goin through i guess. Im ashamed of my actions and I'm angry at myself for destroying my marriage and for hurting my wife, im not sure what the future holds and I'm not sure where to even start but I know I don't wanna be the person I have been.
Thanks for reading. It helps to put it out there. I've aired all my dirty laundry. Judge me if you must. But just know your judgment of me could never be worse than the judging of me I do every single day.
[This message edited by Brokensoul007 at 6:57 PM, Monday, April 28th]
