Newish boyfriend searching for photos of prostitutes online, erectile dysfunction, constant use of porn and Instagram images

I am a 49 year old woman. Been seeing a new man since early January. He is 61, about to turn 62 soon. I noticed he was very slow to initiate anything physical, but I put this down to him being very polite, which he was and very much still is. Things were generally going really well between us and it turned physical in March.

The problem is he really struggles to get an erection at all. On the few occasions where he has had one, it has all but disappeared within around 2 to 3 minutes of him getting hard. It was quite a nice size though. He seems to be interested in having a physical relationship with me, seems attracted to me based on his words and actions and is keen to pleasure me in other ways, but I really love penetration and I have got myself into an intense state of frustration.

He told me he did have some health issues that could be impacting it and we discussed this. Further down the line I saw a text to his daughter about one specific issue and it looked as if he had lied to me and told her the actual reality, which was a fair bit worse.

So I decided to look at his phone. What I discovered was yes, he was lying to me about a health issue and making it seem a lot better than it actually is.

But I also found out he has been using a LOT of porn. Violent Hentai porn, looking at photos of random teens with specific hair styles, paying for cam girls (I saw receipts), looking at photos of prostitutes (two specific ones in a part of the UK that he visits once or twice a year actually, and repeatedly the same photo), researching how much prostitutes get paid based on appearance, hair colour etc. He appears to have a couple of very odd fetishes involving long hair being forcibly cut or shaved off. He also appears to be looking at photos of his ex wife the minute he wakes up and/or gets home from work, which I find really odd. There is also a secret Gmail account, which I was unable to access. Many links to receipts for Google Play, which looks as if it's for camgirl stuff, but going to the secret email as no sign of them in his "regular" email.

Even more upsetting, not all that long ago, some of this activity, including looking at prostitutes, was whilst I was sleeping in the room next door due to his snoring. There had been zero attempt at penetrative sex with me for several weeks and I had backed off making any sexual advances towards him, although I was still being passionate now and then and hoping something might just happen.

I tried to discuss it face to face with him, beating around the bush a little, but he denied what I did bring up..... then we had a text exchange where I told him what I knew. He has basically denied it all, accused me of being insensitive about his ED, that the porn is all pop ups, as are the prostitutes. I know for a fact that none of this stuff is adverts as I work in IT. They are all highly specific searches.

He has even accused me of being the one who has a problem as I enjoy spanking. And that he only looks at his ex wife to "remind him that he possibly may have found something better in some ways".

The last statement was really cruel I thought.

I've been told I'm jumping to conclusions. I don't think walking away is a mistake at all. The kind, considerate and honest person who kept telling me he is loyal is just a facade. And the shift in the way he has spoken to me is very noticeable. Although I guess the latent hostility is guilt, shame and anger at being found out. I have gone back to him, but all the time it just keeps coming into my head. Yes, I must be crazy.... We have tried to have sex again but when I give him oral sex, he seems really uncomfortable and doesn't like it, which is odd for a man (hope that's not sexist!!).

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. There's a lot I like about him, but I can't see myself with someone who likes violent schoolgirl cartoon porn and images of long haired teenagers, in fact prefers that to having sex with an actual real woman. I'm told I'm attractive and always get male attention, I know there isn't anything physically wrong with my appearance and sex has been really good in other relationships.

I know I have to let it go.

13 comments posted: Wednesday, September 24th, 2025