This wasn't on my bingo card

Well this was never on my bingo card. Husband and I have been married for 25 years this past May. Overall, enjoy each other's company (no one else I'd rather spend time with), two teen boys, stable careers etc.

So two nights ago, I come home from a work trip to my husband acting sort of weird (although I chalked it up to it being his mom's birthday - deceased for 9 years). Oh no. He proceeds to confess (via a written document he reads from his iPad) that he has not been faithful over the past 9 years through visiting massage parlors / escorts 4-5 times a year, having intercourse 4 times over the past 9 years, including last week (without protection). And basically this past week was his "rock bottom" with the no protection encounter and decided he needed to tell me (in tears, apologizing, etc.). He said he had suicidal thoughts and called a help line -note he was in counseling a few years ago but stopped going, has said he feels like he has anxiety, etc but never does the things to help himself (definitely find that frustrating, but he has to do it for himself).

So I processed a bit, had a total f-bomb rant at him, told him that he needs to get on the STD testing. He started going to a counselor yesterday, and is now trying to overcompensate by doing all nice things around the house that I get annoyed with that he never does.

And a few days later I guess I just feel numb. And pissed - I have demanding exec level job and had a board meeting this week and he springs that on me - he said he felt so much better telling me, which pisses me off even more because I can't focus, I'm hurt, feel betrayed, but also I feel nothing at the same time? Like I am not processing all the work that will need to be done to try and get to a new normal state of marriage (which he says he still wants but needs help to understand why he was doing those things). I stated that we needed to do counseling together. And I also don't know what to do now.

Thanks for reading. Just felt good to type it out.

3 comments posted: Thursday, September 25th, 2025