Apps for monitoring phone? My fiancee lives thousands of miles away and trying to figure out the truth

I've been with my fiancee for 8 years, we got engaged not that long ago.

4 years ago she told me she cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship.

Before I wholeheartedly trusted her (she's the most innocent, sweet person you'll ever meet), and it's left me with a lot of doubts. I've caught her a few times in small lies, and overheard conversations with her best friend, that make me wonder if our relationship is even real.

She's gone through my phone countless times, and since she lives so far away, I feel being able to monitor her phone remotely is the only way I could truly find out if she's faithful.

I'm going to visit her soon, and won't be able to see her again until December.

She's told me she needs a new phone (hers is falling apart) and I know with Androids, you can install software on them that let's you see their texts and activity, etc.

I was thinking I could gift her a phone with one of those apps installed.

Can anyone help me with recommendations on the best types of apps to use for this? Or phones?

I know she would prefer an iPhone, but I also know they are much harder to install these types of things on, without jailbreaking them.

(I'm relatively tech savvy, I use linux etc, I'm not an expert but can pick stuff up quickly if need be).

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Edit:

Just to add, I've tried a lot of the other stuff, like reverse image search, looking at dating sites in her city to see if she's on them, OSINT, etc, and it checks out. I think if anything she might go to clubs to hook up for a one night stand, or with someone she met at work, etc. She lives in a different country (Mexico), and in a smaller city, where there aren't any Private Investigators (I've searched, couldn't find one).

I did find a small detail (to add to my doubts), but it was from 2021, and can't prove she actually did anything.

So I've tried all of those, and they haven't been much help. Also we've "reconciled" and at this point I can't be open with her, because it causes issues and basically we said we're "starting over" and the past is the past. But if I'm going to marry this woman I want to be as sure that she's not cheating anymore, and is actually faithful.

0 comment posted: Saturday, August 22nd, 2026

Got cheated on. Reconciled. But catching my fiancee in small lies sometimes. Trying to figure out the truth.

Just signed up today, my main goal is to figure out who my fiancee is (whether I actually know her or not).

We've been together 8 years.

The first years were amazing, from the beginning we had tons of chemistry. Close like best friends. Love spending time together. She was very attractive to me, at the same time I loved her values and personality, and we just got along amazingly.

So after 4 years of being together, she got mad at me one day and told me she had cheated on me after we were together for 3 months in a relationship. (We started living together shortly after we met).

Her excuse is that in her country (Mexico. I'm from the US), if you don't officially ask someone to be your girlfriend, you're not really in a relationship. Even though I told her I really liked her, and we were living together, etc. Before I left for winter break (I was in university at the time) I told her I really liked her, I'm not seeing anyone, and that if she sleeps or kisses anyone or is intimate, I would want to break it off. Basically explaining that I want to be exclusive with her, and I'm not seeing anyone else, etc.

When I came back a month later, I asked her if she had been intimate with anyone. She got upset and asked me how could I even think that about her, she's appalled I could even consider it, of course she didn't etc.

Well 4 years later I found out she had gone to a party, and from what she told me, just basically slept with some guy she met that same night.

Here's my story, pasting it from another thread:

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I struggle with this too. I always play out the same story, try to fill in the blanks, from what my fiancee told me:

My fiancee has told me when she cheated on me she went to a party, slept with some guy she met that night.

She was angry and gave me all the details. When I asked her why, she said "I don't know... he was looking at me like I was prey and it turned me on" - something to that effect. They were playing beer pong, it was some college type party.

What kills me is that she made me wait like a month, 4 dates or so, before we became intimate.

And with this guy she just gave it up to him at some random party, meeting him the first time.

The worst thing is she told me "I got tested after, and everything turned out OK, I don't have anything" so she didn't even use a condom.

And if you met her she seems like the most innocent good girl you've ever met, not flirtatious or provocative at all.

It's kind of a mind-f*ck.

I found this out after 4 years of being with her, living together etc...

I totally trusted her but after finding that out, I ask myself if I even know who this person is....

Which is why I'm here. Because I thought she was the love of my life. I'm trying to figure out who this person actually is. And whether I should try to make it work, or risk not finding that type of connection again. (This isn't my first relationship so I know how hard it is to find a true connection).

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There's other small details I can go in to.

I thought I was a good judge of character, and smeller of bullcrap, but either she is truly conflicted and is a good person... or she is an amazing actor and playing me very well.

If I would have found out in the beginning, I would have just broken off.

But we had already grown so close, it was hard to do that after 4 years, I wanted to make it work.

We're at the 8 year mark now... and she is my fiancee.

For work I had to move away, I live in the US, and she's still in Mexico. I fly back once a month or so to see her for a few days.

There were some small details and small lies that I don't know enough to know if she had cheated on me or not. But for example she went out and didn't tell me. I have no idea if she did anything, I can't prove it, but I caught her in the lie. Maybe she just wanted to go out and didn't want to worry me, since I had told her it bothered me that she went out by herself. Admittedly, in Mexico it's a lot more normal for girls to go out by themselves and just enjoy music (I confirmed with random people in her city that I trust to give me honest advice, that don't know her) and it's not like in the US, where it's almost strictly to find someone for the night / to meet someone.

Anyhow, I'm here to try to get tips on how to figure out whether she is being honest. I'm hoping to get advice from the investigation side of things.

To either figure out if I can trust her, and invest in the relationship and get married... or figure out the harsh truth before we get married and potentially make things much more complicated down the line.

4 comments posted: Friday, August 21st, 2026