SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Years ago I followed a blog of a wife whose husband had an affair while working away. He and his family lived on his family’s farm which his wife helped run. His job took him away for months at a time. He started an affair with a 20 something girl whose mother encouraged it! The wife eventually found out and all hell broke loose. The point I am making is that the girl’s mother actively encouraged the affair. Helped keep it going, talked about marriage between a middle aged man and her young daughter. I lost the contact so do not know the outcome. I write this to help you accept the idea that there are people in this world who don’t care about how hurt you are. Your ws has probably made up some horror stories about you.

There are two people whose ideas about life are what you need to know. One is a pastor who said if someone wants to leave, let them go. Open you hand and let go. The second said when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time. He has shown you he does not care about you or your children. Believe him. Take back your life. It is too important to waste on him, and what he is doing. He thinks he found the prize. Think about this…the prize has a family that actively lets a man with a family mistreat that family. What prize is she?

Thank you all again for the support. Feel like I’m strong one moment then have a panic the next.
Tomorrow I have an appointment for legal advice followed by some talking therapy.

I’m very anxious about what will happen with the children the weekend. I’m not sure where he’s going to take them. I know I’m not going to be able to stop him taking them to his "new" home and I can’t stop the AP from being around them whilst he has them. As much as I really don’t want it to happen!

Had to have contact this evening, which I did ignore him a lot. Gave some compliments, lost weight smell nice, which I ignored. He’s not pleased at all that I won’t allow him to have the children here. Which then turned into you don’t need to lose any more weight you will look terrible 😑

He asked if I missed him I said no. So I said you miss being at home don’t you, he said no he’s happy with her. Tried to say he was going to move back in and I said no again.

Basically ended in a petty argument. I think in future it’s going to have to be have the kids ready for hand over and under no circumstances he comes into the house.

Very sorry that you and your children are going through this. For your own sanity get that vital legal advice and set up proper boundaries and guidelines on child exchanges. I know this is so hard, but try to limit conversations and engaging with him. Currently he is not your friend. He will just try to hurt you and confuse you. Never forget that you are the prize. Document any misbehavior or failure to see his children. I’m sure your children are sad and confused. Focus on you and your children. Keep your communications short and to the point. Good luck.

Missmee, you are the anchor that keeps his boat steady. You are hidden under water while he has a blast on his party boat. She is new, the sex is off the charts, but I would bet the rest of his life stinks. He is now living in the house of people his age while trying to keep the romance going behind closed doors. It can’t get much more pathetic that than. It is not surprising he wants to live at home with her on the side anytime he wants her. You pulled up the anchor and his boat is no longer stable.

Get on with your life. Whatever he does with his should no longer be in your sights. Make sure the kids are ok. Get yourself a lawyer and start the divorce process. He has put enough manure in your life. It is time to start digging out.

Update- solicitor is advising to try sort contact with children between ourselves, if that doesn’t work to try mediation. I’ve spoke with school who will now offer children therapy. I’ve had my first therapy session and have another booked next week as this was an get to know me, what do I want from this kind of thing.

Going to be a hard few months but will be worth it! He keeps asking me if I want him to come back. But says he’s really happy where he is with her.

I’m now going to ignore what he says, thinking of changing my number and only communicating through email

Yeah, I think those are sensible options. The thing here is that what he says isn’t worth listening to. You know he lies, you probably won’t believe what he says anyway. Letting him talk and argue only harms your own healing.

The thing is here,you probably know that you wouldn’t want him back now anyway. In my dark times when I missed my ex so much I had to keep telling myself that we couldn’t go back, I knew that it’s not like we could ever have gone back to being what we were, he’d pissed all over that. It’s painful and up and down feelings are very normal but the only way is through it, and you are doing great job even if you can’t see it yourself.

I love my life much more now than I did with my ex. Things CAN be much better for you.

[This message edited by Jambomo at 10:28 AM, Saturday, September 27th]

Thank you. Feeling down again today for what should have been. I can’t believe the man who he has turned out to be. I’m so disappointed with him. Grieving the loss of the future I thought we had planned to.

I know what I need to do it’s just doing it.and I am gutted that he has ended up with her but just need to remind myself of who he actually is now, and how cruel he’s treated me the last few months

Missmee....I think he's doing what they call "hoovering" with you. It's when they start trying to come back possibly because they realize what a mistake they made not just in cheating, but maybe not having a place to live. Her family might not be too enthused having him live there with Baby Girl. So he might be trying to figure out if he can con you into letting him live with you again - testing the waters. So be aware that might be his motive.

As for the kids, if you don't have proper legal advice, I think you really need it because how is he going to visit with them? In your home? I may have missed something in your posts. Is he planning on taking them somewhere? I would not let him take your youngests anyway, certainly not the 1 year old. This guy has bad judgment. I don't think babies or toddlers should be moved around a lot, they need permanence and security....well, you know this, you have far more experience than I do.

You are a very strong woman to handle this as well as you are - you may not feel that way, but you are. Again, remember that everything is temporary even something as awful as this, and life will get better, maybe sooner than you think!