SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It’s been a month since finding out. It’s not getting any easier. Husband is doing/saying all the right things. There’s nothing I can honestly say that there’s nothing he can be doing more or less of. However, I feel like I’m floating in a big dark cloud. I feel so numb, so hurt, so blah. I’m not the mother my children deserve. I am so mentally and emotionally absent. I don’t yell or lose my patience but I am the furthest thing from happy and fun. I show up, I still do it all but I feel like a robot. It doesn’t help that I found out I herniated a disc from working out and there’s a fragment sitting on my sciatic nerve. I am in pain 24/7. I am proactive and on the waiting list for surgery. My kids are 3 and 7. Someone please tell me I will feel human again. I take good care of my self as far as hygiene, food, and exercise but on the inside I am an empty shell of a person. 💔

Im sorry you are here. Intimate betrayal is so very painful. This is one of the few places where there are people who really get it. People who unfortunately have personal experience.

Try to not feel guilty. You didn't make this choice. Your husband made this choice not because of you, or any of your faults or imperfections, but because of his faults and his imperfections. NEVER ACCEPT ANY BLAME FOR HIS ACTIONS.

Considering the hell you are going through, it sounds like you are being an excelent mother by just going through the motions.

You are suffering from betrayal trauma. Remember to take care of yourself.

I am sorry you had to join this site but you will get great support and advice.

It takes time to heal both physically, mentally and emotionally. You have major traumas going on right now - severe physical pain from your injury and severe emotional pain from the betrayal.

Plus children who need your attention 24-7 as they are not adults and can’t cook or drive themselves places (at least not yet).

That’s enough on a good day when you are 100%, but almost too much given your situation.

Perhaps your own counselor (just for you) could be helpful and a place for you to unburden yourself.

Treat yourself with gentle care. Take a moment for yourself each day. I know the chronic pain is challenging but try to find some relief (if possible).

Don’t be hard on yourself right now. Just do your best. It’s all anyone can do.

A month isn't even in the rearview mirror yet. It's going to take some time. I can say at about 5½ months out things are getting better for us, but I'm still having some rough patches here and there. Everyone is different, tho. If R is your goal, and your husband keeps it up and stays consistent, it can help.

Just hang in there, feel the feels, and don't blame yourself. This is not your fault.