Hi all,
So although I found out end of June 2025, there's been other numerous other things come out.
June-DDay, he told me about the affair he had with a woman. I said I didn't want to know who it was because I would compare and my mental health wouldn't manage. This is something I had done when partners had cheated on me in the past and it became unhealthy, and so I chose for myself to not know potentially until I recovered emotionally from it all. He had been struggling with his mental health since his mum died -couldn't explain why he did it.
September: a letter came for a car finance option, addressed to him and it had the cars make and registration plate on it and he said he couldn't afford the car and so wouldn't be getting it, he was kidding himself etc. said it was a mental health spiral.
December: I saw him in said car, he said it was with his auntie. I thought maybe he was right but I recognised the reg plate from the letter he had got. I messaged him that day and he called and said oh I'm trying to reassure you etc.
January: people at work (who we both know) were discussing that he had spent a lot of time with, let's call her Jane. I called him out on it and he admitted she was the one he had the affair with. I constantly compared myself.
Feb-June: He has an additional job delivering on an evening and I'd seen him come out of her street a few times but he said he delivered there, each time I saw him it set me back even though I knew it could be harmless. I also noticed she had a car the same make as the one he was going to buy back in September and something about the registration plate was niggling at me, but everytime I mentioned it he dismissed this.
July: people at work were talking about seeing him at Jane's son's secondary school as he had taken her son to prom as Jane had said she had been drinking and couldn't drive. This turns out it was true, he admitted it to me but he didn't see the big deal and said it was purely transactional. I said it was a big deal and that I doubt he would have just taken them there and left, people take photos and it was a 'family' thing. He didn't seem to see it that way and said he was doing a 'favour'.
August: we get a letter at our home addressed to him, I thought it was a driving fine as he said he thought there was a speeding camera and wasn't sure exactly his mph but it was a safety recall about the car he 'allegedly' took back in September and was the exact same registration plate as the car id seen her in a few times (we live in the same area so I have seen her a few times-driving down main roads near where we live). I called him up and said he had a letter about his car, long story short he came round and said it was her car originally that he was going to buy it from but couldn't afford it, so it's still hers. I was also right about him being in the car back in December, despite him making out like I was absolutely crazy and telling me it was his aunties car. (I'm a woman-we notice detail). I told him that everything comes out sooner or later and low and behold it did.
So this has all been so so much for me to process that yes DDay was a year ago but my nervous system has not been able to recover. Thank you if you've got this far, I don't want people to say leave or don't leave or whatever, this is just me venting and getting some support for my own wellbeing, I'm just completely numb to it all.
[This message edited by Sophielou at 12:31 AM, Friday, August 21st]
